best of the bestthis morning before most people are thinking straight the academy of motion pictures arts and sciences announced its nominations for the Oscars.
they all suck
with a few exceptions
after reading the little article at cnn I skipped over to oscar.com and read the full list of nominations and I have to agree with a couple, namely The Passion of the Christ(not linked and shall not be) only got a couple of nominations, none of which it should win. and not because I hate God, but because the Aviator or House of Flying Daggers should get cinematography and Lemony Snicket should get make-up. so score might be a lock, I don’t know I only heard Harry Potter and it wasn’t that great.
and speaking of make-up, where is Dawn of the Dead. they put some time into those zombies. is there a write-in slot for the oscars? dammit there should be!
and where is Garden State? how is the Aviator a more original story than Garden State? there has to be about fifty books out there about hughes, I’ve never seen one about Large. if effing Good Will Hunting qualified, why not Garden State? write-in number two.
hat-trick harry
clint managed to pull one thing off marty couldn’t this year, he got nominated for directing, writing, and staring in the Million Dollar Baby. he won’t win of course. chris rock has already said he’s going to give jamie foxx the best actor no matter who actually wins, marty is going to win for directing, and Sideways has a better story.
but wait who else directed, wrote and stared in a movie last year?
why zach braff of course, if clint was good enough why not zach? at least nominate zach to show the bastard he did a decent job.
we should just skip the actresses this year, only three of the movies even played in Austin, hell Sideways just arrived at the super artsy Arboretum Cinema. and the bening will win again, and I’ll have to sit through another year of, ‘you have to se her in such-and-such,’ and I’m just not going to do it. next.
for animated feature The Incredibles is going to win. I loved Shrek 2, but the category should be best Pixar movie of the year.
and why the hell is Fahrenheit 9/11 not up for best documentary? how many documentaries did you see last year? how many did you pay money to see? how many made a 100 million? or 10 million? or 1 million?
Weeping Camel, my ass.
and while we’re in hell, why didn’t House of Flying Daggers get nominated for best foreign language film? that’s like not nominating Fahrenheit for documentary or the Incredibles for Pixar of the year?
after last year I have decided that the academy doesn’t give out awards for original song anymore. they didn’t last year.
micheal mckean was robbed.
worst of the worston Monday, under the radar of most of the world, the razzies were nominated. I had considered last year signing up to vote, but in the end I decided DVDs were more fun to watch than most of what can out last year. so I skipped it.
thankfully I did manage to check out the nominations today, and here’s how it went(this wont’ be as long, I agree with most of it):
Catwoman sucked it the hardest.
but we knew that already, didn’t halle berry win an oscar? well she’s about to get a razzie to go next to it.
my picks:
Worst Movie: write-in The Passion of the Christ
Worst Actor: george W bush
Worst Actress: seven way tie, they all suck
Worst Screen Couple: wayens, White Chicks? why God, why?
Worst Supporting Actor: rummy, all the way
Worst Supporting Actress: Dr. Rice and brittany spears
Worst Director: oliver stone, back and to the left
Worst Screenplay: trick question, none of these movies had scripts
burnI harped enough about Garden State already, so this one is special.
paul giamatti got burned, hard.
he should have won for his own bio-flick, American Splendor. he managed to pull off Harvey Pekar, with harvey pekar standing four feet away. and he didn’t have to be dubbed.
no matter what I’ve seen him in he’s been good. and this isn’t the b-movie fan in me writing, this is the seldom listened to movie enthusiast that has seen all but 21 best pictures, and can remember the plot of almost every movie I’ve seen in the last fifteen years, and didn’t like Star Trek IV despite the even number rule. true character actors never get what they deserve. would Forest Gump be as good with out Bubba or Lt. Dan? what about Mister Roberts, what would that have been like with out Ens. Pulver?
giamatti just clicks in everything and this time he should have been rewarded.
shame on you academy for nominating clint eastwood, again.
hard boundthe gods are smiling down upon me this day. a comic company published a four issue mini-series about Ash and the Deadites. and now they’re going to sell a hard bound collection. woot!
also by the same company will be a Red Sonja series, sweet.
balls of icy steelwe need a statue to the obvious, and the willingness to say it in public.
we can call it ObviousMan, the last American.
and we can use Senator Mark Dayton of Minn. as the model.
“I don’t like impugning anyone’s integrity, but I really don’t like being lied to, repeatedly, flagrantly, intentionally. My vote against this nominee is my statement that this administration’s lies must stop now.”
I think that would look good on a brass plaque under a marble statue.
2 comments:
Fahrenheit 9/11 didn't get a nomination for Best Documentary because Michael Moore didn't submit it as such. Like, he didn't fill out the paperwork and whatnot. The official reason? He didn't want to hurt his chances of a Best Picture nomination. The real reason? He wanted the film shown on network TV the day before the election, and Academy rules stipulate that the Best Documentary films cannot be shown on TV by such-and-such date. There's no similar rule for Best Picture nominees.
Oh, and for the most frightening picture ever, check out this week's Entertainment Weekly with Eastwood and Swank on the cover. He looks like a piece of jerky made from an unwrapped mummy, and she looks like a pre-op tranny with an addiction to collagen.
CORRECTION: The Bening has not won an Oscar, my bad.
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