oh, but that's enough talk about me. let's talk about you…

Anne Bancroft
September 17, 1931 to June 6, 2005

…how'd you like me in the first act?

sit down and shut up, will ya? try not to live up to all my expectations…

Dana Elcar
October 10, 1927 to June 6, 2005

…we’ll miss ya pete

I think my mask of sanity is about to slip

once again my lazy base nature has strapped me to my couch for the last three weeks…

and what an eventful three weeks it has been, my sister’s birth day, a good Star Wars prequel , my mini vacation(during which I did just more than nothing) and read three books(a record for me)

Darth Tatter

months ago I put a link to something I saw on cnn.com and then about two weeks ago at my sisters birthday party I got a gift of this amazing Darth Tatter.

I’ve been teasing gnut by taking the mask off and whining about how Obi Wan doesn’t under stand me. he doesn’t get it but he will eventually…

coffee table

something I had been meaning to show off, because my older sister almost never comes does to Austin to see her brother. I like it and it let me pull my comics off the top of my bookshelf, and I can also display my dogma and mallrats in-action figures. also I would have candy in my candy bowl, but I had some bastard ants decided they could take over my peach flavored candies, and I had to toss them out. damn ants…

$ for £

I don’t like US tv, in the last five years there has only been three shows I had any interest in watching. Firefly and Enterprise have both been cancelled and Good Eats just doesn’t put out new episodes often enough. so I got into british tv, the bbc does finance some really good television. but it is hard to see all the really good stuff, because they do have to edit the shows to suit american tv so I have start checking out amazon.co.uk for dvd versions of the show I had come to enjoy, here’s the crux: amazon.co.uk only has prices in pounds.

as with any good american pounds mean nothing to me. so I hunted down a currency exchange calculator, and it turns out £6.99 is about $12.67. so a £19.99 dvd plus £4 shipping can be a calculating pain and almost fifty bucks.

this all leads into my next subject…

Spaced

last year I was introduced to a little foreign flick called Shaun of the Dead. and after see the Dawn of the Dead remake I wasn’t too sure what to expect. Shaun is by far the funniest movie that I had seen in a long time. I got the dvd and the commentary mentioned the sitcom that the writer and director had worked on be for Shaun. the sitcom was called Spaced.

bravo showed a couple of episodes and I managed to catch a couple of other episodes elsewhere. so a few weeks ago I broke down and bought the region 2 dvd off of amazon.co.uk. £21.99.

this is basically a show about a bunch of twenty-somethings that are fully entrenched in sci-fi and movie culture. I managed to get most of the movie references as most are from movies I had cultishly watched and hunted down my self. it is the craziest 7 hours of tv

it’s hard to describe as a show, and when I have time I’ll probably do a really well crafted description. but probably not, I’m a lazy bastard, and unless you’ve got a region 2 dvd play I can’t even lend it out.

IZ

the most moving version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow ever, and I know that I’m about a decade behind on this one, but I haven’t watched network tv since about the time DS9 started so my knowledge of modern music is limited to alternative, angry white-boy rock and enya. so a huge hawaiian and a ukulele has ‘til now stayed under the radar. I now have the CD and listen to it all the time.

go here…

alright as the summer is opening up people will start having more time to do the important things in life. so after you scout out your favorite porn sites here are a few other sites that make the internet worth keeping around.

altonbrown.com – website for the most informative tv cook since gareth blackstock.
bruce-campbell.com – website for the greatest American actor, ever!
tedraimi.com – a pretty good website for the second hardest working actor in b-movies.
Spaced – fan run website for Spaced lot’s of info and extras for the sitcom, plus a homage guide for people to cool to get the allusions.
Dominic Deegan – the first webcomic I really started following and since it is now a daily comic I wake up to a new comic everyday. go back to the beginning and read all the back comics and you’ll get hooked too.
Bunny – also a daily, this one panel comic focuses on a mostly silent bunny that with a warped sense of humor
Instant Classic – this one is pretty new to me, I just started reading and it doesn’t get a regular update, but it has a great outlook on the world a movies and movie making and good character interaction. read the prologue to get the basics.
DeviantArt – every type of art you could think of: written, drawn, computer generated and of all styles. set up a free account and surf the multitudes.
Alamo Drafthouse – the main page for the only real way to see all the really good cult films in Austin when you can’t or won’t afford the membership fee for the AFS.

riddle me this...

Frank Groshin

April 5, 1934 to May 18, 2005

...what is a world with out riddles?

suicide is painless

austin city smoking ban

for those of you, and I doubt there are really any out there, who live in austin get out and vote this one down.

I don't smoke, but at the same time I don't think it's my place to stop someone else from making that choice. if you want to smoke go ahead. if not, fuck off and leave the adults to make their own bad choices.

if you don't want to be around smokers stay home or go to a different bar. if smoking hurts business the bars will ban it themselves.

prohibition is the worst idea in history. it didn't work for alcohol, drugs, or abortions. why do they think it will work for smoking. people are still going to smoke, but in a recession we should shy away from anything that could hurt local businesses.

so if you live in austin, vote!

((mornings suck...))

men fear death, as children fear to go in the dark; and as the natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other

nine days in april

so of course I’ve been the same lazy bustard this last week and a half and it starting to catch up with me. this was an especially hard week, overload at work and missing some movies I really wanted to see, but here’s the low down.

do the hustle

a week ago friday, and it started very well. I had seen Kung Fu Hustle during SxSW in march and had really enjoyed the experience. it was screened in the Paramount, a beautiful if slightly uncomfortable theater to watch a movie. if I had the money I’d buy the Paramount and rewire the place for better sound and a digital screen. I heard that the theater has been doing poor business lately and that sucks because it is still a great theater, it just needs bigger seat and decent speakers.

for my second viewing I went to the opening at the googleplex, better seats and sound, but some twit brought her kids to the movie. now this is a violent movie, funny, but very violent. also rated ‘r’ as in restricted.

as in maybe you should leave you kids at home with a baby sitter.

about a quarter to half way through the hustle the mother and her kids got up and the shortest of the group said this a lot louder than I was ever aloud to speak during a movie, ‘it’s too violent’

I have to say that I agree, but at the same time I’m 24 years old and a guy, so I’m okay with violence. I’m also educated, to a point, and realize that an ‘r’ rated movie is no place for kids. a week earlier I say Sin City, really good movie for a 24 year old guy.

here’s why: NUDITY!

I once heard the definition for gratuitous: anything down just to satisfy the audience. I think the new definition should be Sin City. there was more tits and ass than Orgazmo, and that was about porn. very tasteful, no bush. still some jackhole brought his kids, little kids. like sticky and gnut aged kids.

can’t these people read? if more parents listened to the ratings we wouldn’t need an fcc. I read an article on msnbc today about how ‘pg’ movies are become more violent than ‘pg-13’ and ‘r’ movies. maybe it’s because people have stopped caring about the rating. and that can only mean one of two things: people are becoming more open to new ideas and teaching their children to make better choices; or, and this is probably the truth, people are expecting the government to censor all the adult and otherwise harmful material out of movies.

I don’t want to start a backlash against violent movies, but how about we try a useful rating system, how about this:

v – violence
n – nudity
s – sex
d – drugs
r – religion
s – stupidity
h – horror
i – intellectual
k – kids to age 10
k-13 – kids age 10 to age 13
k-18 – kids age 13 to age 18
a – adults age 18 to age 35
a-35 – adults age 35 to 65
a-65 – adults over 65
x – soft porn, no one under 18 or over 65
xx – hard porn, no one under 18 or over 45
xxx – european porn, use at your own risk
xxxx – asian porn, use at your own risk

very clear and easy to use, people can go to any movie that they fall into fall into by rating. and the studios have to be really fucking honest on the ratings, any violent gets a v and no ‘k’ or ‘k-13’ rating, nudity bumps to an ‘a’ rating, sex and we’re slap an ‘x,’ religion gets an ‘a-35’ at least. stupidity gets a ‘k’ so you can’t have stupidity and violence in the same movie. and children can be spared that old time religion. it needs some fine tuning but I think we can make it work.

suggestions are always appreciated.

good night life, good morning hell

so I drove up on Saturday afternoon to see the play my elder sister designed the set for. now as I know nowbody connected with that theater company or the people they select to direct will ever read this I can be honest.

it was CRAP, pure follow the dog around crap. the play was poorly written the acting lame, and the set that my sister put a lot of effort into was under-used.

it was so bad I couldn’t sleep, and then they had a costume contest and Holbrook and my sister wouldn’t let me leave at intermission.

and to top it off the usher from the main stage went out of his way to make me feel unwelcome. it was a bad time for the Boy&Horse

raw fish, mango jelly bellies, and Dib

on sunday my sister and I were going to see Sin City, as I mentioned before I had already been and was looking forward to seeing it again, but first we had to drive out to arlington to eat uncooked fish. I will say that I was sure what to expect, but I can say that it was really good even though it was mostly rice.

the movie was at a mall, and as a habit I scoped out a candy shop and picked up jelly bellies. on my last trip to the mall of America I had picked up six pounds of jelly bellies, an adventure to get past airport baggage screeners intact, and a month ago I bought eight little glass jars to hold the beans and found out that I only had seven flavors. this was an issue because accept for christmas I never go to malls so this little trip allowed me to pick up an eighth flavor. I also got to scope out a Walden books and picked up a sweet Dib figure.



faeriegirl hated Sin City, she’s also a movie-theater snob. the slightest noise and she gets the heavy sigh started and you can tell from there that you might as well leave right then and try again another day. and at this particular showing we got a five year old in a 6-foot body punctuating everything and a pair of idiots that grabbed two seats in a half empty theater right next to her. I on the other hand don’t really mind too much, because I have on occasion spoken during a movie.

and I don’t really mind being ignored, but I will say that a human being that you know, that you entered the theater with, should always be more important than a shitty ass-raping of shakespeare.

PULGASARI!

after a long, but ultimately good, weekend I settled back into my movie schedule with the only north Korean movie I have ever heard of Pulgasari.

the description is amazing: an iron eating monster molded from the last bit of rice that a dying blacksmith had helps the poor and down-trodden works of Korean over throw their abusive and elitist king.

the story at times works against the north korean leader that forced the filming. the army of the king more resembles the modern north korean legion more than the peasants.

for a buck it was worth it, the only thing that I was disappointed about was that kim jung-il was scheduled to be there. I’m pissed he stood us up, that axis of evil bastard.

tuesday

well… not much really happened… sun came up and went down…

three days of the inferno part one: training begins

I work in a call center, not much more to say than that. when I started there were forty of us on the line. like every job attrition is the name of the game and up ‘til this wednesday they had managed to boot ten people off the line. on this day they chose eighteen people to start training on a secondary line, that I had gotten trained on seven months ago.

take a moment to do the math, I’ll wait…

twelve, twelve of us were doing the work of forty

fuckers.

three days of the inferno part two: breaks no more

so I stupidly didn’t call in on Thursday and the training continued.

and an hour later the suspended breaks.

fuckers

three days of the inferno part three: the royal horse

good news: the week was over and I got an hour lunch to eat Mexican food with my parents

bad news: I still took over a hundred calls on a FRIDAY!!

also the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy premiered, and not matter what anybody else believe I thought it did the books a lot of justice, the movie also held the momentum together better. a full review is forthcoming I swear.

wimberly

no one in my family knows dick about computers, not even my father’s brother, who is probably the nicest guy you will ever meat on the planet.

so on saturday morning we loaded up the focus and headed out to wimberly, the long way. wimberly is in hays county southwest of austin about as far from where I live as my parents house only up hill. we arrived at my uncle’s house and started setting up his new computer about 10, at 12:30 we headed out. everything, we thought, worked. we then went to lunch with my uncle in san marcos which is slightly closer to wimberly and oh so slightly farther away from home.

san marcos also has a huge outlet mall, other that Texas state the outlet mall might be the only reason to stop in san marcos. and my sister dragged the wayward flock even farther south for another 45 minutes.

after that we had to drive through the hippy fest that is downtown Austin to get home. we made three other stops and arrived home about 7pm to a message from my uncle about the computer not working

one day in may

wimberly ii and the ceiling fan of doom

so Sunday morning my brother-in-law got up really early and headed back out to wimberly, and this time we made sure it worked before we left.

after wimberly he came straight home and I headed out to my parents house to put up a ceiling fan and to pick up gnut. the bass ackwards wiring in my parent house contributed to me not getting the fan wired properly.

the stupidity of brass screws and steel drill bits contributed to me striping the screws and not being able to fixed the cock-up. so I will venture out again this week end to pull the fan down and rewire the damn thing. and I haven’t gotten a new dvd in over a week and it’s starting to effect me.

o that we had here but ten thousand of those men in Texas that do no work today!

lazy bastard

so, yeah… I should have posted, like a week ago, but damn I’m a lazy bastard. even with a nazi pope, delay attack the separation of powers and three calls from my sister I just couldn’t put finger to keyboard this last week. but, I guess I should say something for the last week…

nope, nothing comes to mind…

wait

ah, nope still nothing, try back tomorrow…

slippery slope

American Splendor
skipped this one in the theater and now I’m not sure why I did. I really liked this movie, and now when ever I’m feeling to good about my life I can watch American Splendor and knock myself down a couple pegs.
Apollo 13
when I was in the 10th grade I was in the marching band, I played tuba.

I’ll give you a moment to laugh and point.

…

done? good.

our marching show that year was based on the music for Apollo 13, and I had to march this one part in the launch backwards fifteen yards, ten steps, while playing, in the sleet and snow, and…
Conspiracy
as my father put it a movie with out a single hero or sympathetic character
A few Good Men
tom cruise and demi moore making jack look better than ever. not that he needed the help, but it didn’t hurt.
The General’s Daughter
I can’t explain it, but I have a hard time not watching john travolta, I won’t say he’s a good actor, but I really like this one.
Groundhog Day
$10! bill murray at his best. I’ve seen it 137 times, and it just keeps getting funnier, ever time I see…
Killer Klowns form Outer Space
the ventriloquist act with john vernon is worth the seven fifty alone.
Mystery Men
I saw this in the theater, and didn’t like it all that much, but it has grown on me since, I’ve even gotten used to the Smash Mouth song that was played fifty billion time over the last six years.

however, ben stiller just hurts even today.
The New Guy
four words: eliza dushku zooey deschanel
Orgazmo
the funniest send up of the porn industry since Boogie Nights, except this is also fun to watch and doesn’t have the shitty third act.
Real Genius
guilty pleasure, but it allows me to go into my theory on life.

everybody wants to be chris knight or mitch taylor, but most of us are going to be ick or lazlo the quirky side-kicks. or we turn out like kent or dr. hathaway, the assholes. the point is we can bitch and moan about how we get cast, or we can make the most of our lot in life and enjoy the popcorn.
The Replacement Killers
the fifth john woo/chow yun-fat movie in my collection. pretty good, if a little rushed at time.
Sleepy Hollow
not everybody liked this update of the old story, but I did. I liked the layout of the town the character development, where there was any, and even christina ricci. plus it was also $10.
Sneakers
probably the last robert redford movie I liked, this one was $5.
Trading Places
the first time jaime lee curtis showed her breasts on film, it was worth wait, trust me.
Vanilla Sky
I would have cut this one differently, but I didn’t get asked to do the edit, so what can you do. the ending is contrived and comes out of left field and the crap with Cameron diaz really hurt what could have been a great movie. as it is this was just buyable on dvd.
Young Sherlock Holmes
complete accident, I walked into a wally world to buy Holbrook a dvd and I spotted this in the bargain bin. I didn’t even know this was on dvd, seriously came out of nowhere. but now I got it and they actually did make a widescreen version, I shit you not.

great tv turn off

well this is an interesting idea, and the good part is that I don’t actually watch a lot of tv anymore. in fact I only watch two tv shows with any regularity and Enterprise has been cancelled.

so with the exception of Good Eats I will abstain from tv all next week.

of course I own almost 200 dvds and I have half a dozen movies planned at the drafthouse.

so no biggie…

san jacinto

another reason for the stateworkers of Texas to take a day, and the inspiration for tonights quote.

fin

whose mortal taste brought Death into the world?

Death becomes her...

so I was out futzing about last friday night, waiting for Sin City to start, when I walked into my local comic shop and saw this little bust sitting in the glass case. I used to think that fry's had a good impulse aisle, but the dragon's lair in round rock just kicked fry's ass.

so I know have a little bust of death...

and there I broke rule one and two again...

the answer to my little puzzle from the last post is Fight Club

and because the sister formally known as podunk asked for it

Gloomcookie Vol. 3, and sorry about the name I still don't have anything better...

surprise! china doesn't like japan!

well big surprise there, this latest round of protests are over the fact that a japanese history text book was printed that left out the fact that the japanese military used chinese civilians and pows as guinea pigs for chemical and biological weapons. some of these weapons were even set to be dropped on the west coast of the u.s..

so naturally the chinese are not happy that the japanese have left out such a big part of the history of the great patriotic war.

here’s something though, think back to your high school history class. did your teach mention anything about these japanese war crimes?

now think back to history 1302 in college?

nope? I had to read about it in a book years after the second half of american history. the japanese also had a couple of working submarine-aircraft carriers. and were ready to drop enough anthrax on california to kill ever animal from alaska to baja.

of course the chinese are not without their own sin. how about one hundred million chinese killed by starvation, a brutal revolution, cultural cleansings, and political assassinations. china also has nuclear weapons and has stated that they are willing to invade taiwan to prevent independence, in direct violation of human rights. they also repatriate north korean refugees to certain death, also a violation of human rights.

and how does a country known for its inhumanity allow rioting in its streets? where is the red army we have come to enjoy watching on cnn beating small children? well I guess hating japan keeps the people of the people republic of china from noticing the lower wages, lack of food, wide spread bird flu and sars outbreaks, deadly mine accidents, land slides, earthquakes, and loss of dignity.

but, hell, let’s make japan apologize for an eighteenth time...

or how about not, why don't we let china go fuck itself. and maybe we can start paying a little more for our clothing and the let the starving 1.3 billion chinese eat more than once a week.

just a thought.

one last thing...

you have to watch this: UN PSA

its fucked up

fin

life, liberty and the pursuit of property

bulldozer and dynamite

this was a big weekend for me, I got a new couch a took down a bed.



fig. 1 shows my old room, filled the rim with a huge bed, dvds and my clothes.

fig. 2 shows my new room, no bed and lots of open space.

fig. 3 is my new couch, scale is hard to demonstrate in 2 dimensions, but this is an 8 foot couch. and with a little help from my parents this is the newest thing in my room.

now here is the big news: the room in fig. 1 is not the same as the room in fig. 2. the couch, that I really like and is way too comfortable to be legal, was too damn big for my old room. the movers tried, I tried, but we could not make it fit. god scorched a little more earth with me on this one, but there was no way I was going to send this couch back.

the result it that I’m now upstairs.

gnut and I have switched rooms, he gets a tv room, and I get a room my couch will fit into. the down side it that gnuts room doesn’t have cable or internet. we had to run a long cat. 5 cable into the room for me to post this.

in the background of fig. 2 you might be able to spot my tower of dvds, that's about 105 in a three tier dvd stand. that towers makes up about 2/3 of my total collection, and is why my next purchase will be a couple more dvd stands and a shelf to hang on my wall get some of the cases off the floor.

also in the fig. 2 you might notice my 19" tv, and as everyone knows that tv is too damn small. my next tv will have to be a 16:9 flat screen. that is much farther down the road.

special prize to any one who can name the dvd playing on my tv in fig. 2

better to err with the pye, than shine with the pope

pope john paul ii

October 16, 1978 to April 2, 2005

...good riddance

the rest is silence

Terri Schaivo
December 3, 1963 – February 25, 1990

cold hearted fucker

well…

it should all be over now, but it isn’t. the fucker in this case is of course me. I was all but called this at work today when I mentioned that I felt that the parents in this case were out of line. I have been very vocal about my opinion of the schindlers and the company they have kept in recent months. I had hoped, and my hope was rewarded, that michael schaivo would bar the schindlers from the funeral. they have acted atrociously.

I am areligious, I don’t believe in good or evil, right or wrong, or even in a soul. but, I have lived in this country long enough to pick up a few things, and one of those things that has always been very prevalent is that the body is a shell for the soul and that death is not something to be fear or dreaded. when the faithful die, their soul ascends to heaven and wicked fall to hell.

wherever Terri was headed she arrived more than fifteen years ago, and what has been fed in florida ever since was nothing of the Terri that her friends and family knew.

if the soul does exist, I cannot believe that god would want it to be trapped in a body that does not now and will not again function.

however, if that is what god wants, truly wants, then once again fuck god.

more war crimes

once again our soldiers are demonstrating their lack of training. someone forgot to teach this dumb fuck the difference between combat casualty and murder victim.

for clarity I do know the difference. the army should not, and for the most part does not, kill civilians, the wounded, or anyone else not armed. I was once able to say we also don’t invade sovereign countries, but it’s been years since I could. we have lost our reputation, and we will not soon get it back.

I really hate what the republicans and wussy democrats have done to my country.

we are all damned.

can we keep this... between us? I'd hate to lose my teaching job...

this week actually starts the long term Boy&Horse movie festival, and with the help of the alamo drafthouse and tinseltown I’m going to see about two dozen movies over the next couple of month, most of which I couldn’t watch in the theaters on their first run. either by age or just out of rarity I’ve missed a lot of movies in their native element.

the first such movie, which I saw last night, was Weird Science. here’s a movie, part of the shermer legacy, that I had never seen in wide screen, I’d not even held a copy of the dvd and the only vhs version was a bootleg taped off hbo more than a decade ago. so as beginnings go this was a good one. not that I really need to, but I will have a review of Weird Science posted by monday on my movie site. and this time, I mean it…

the rest, so far, are as follows:

School of the Holy Beast, midnight on 04/16/2005
Best of Bollywood: Don, 6pm on 04/16/2005
Secret of NIMH, 7pm on 04/18/2005
The Sinus Show: Travoltathon, quarter to ten on 04/22/2005
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, midnight 04/23/2005
The Films of Kim Jung Il: Pulgasari, 7pm on 04/25/2005
Cloak and Dagger, noon on 04/30/2005
The Forbidden Zone, quarter to ten on 04/30/2005
Princess Bride, 7pm on 05/08/2005
Inside Deep Throat, 7pm on 05/10/2005
Steamboy, quarter to ten on 05/10/2005
Dark Side of the Rainbow, quarter to ten on 05/17/2005
Metropolis with live music, 7pm on 05/27/2005
For Your Height Only, quarter to ten on 05/29/2005

some crazy, some essential, and some just for the hell of it

tell me. and remember, this is for posterity, so... be honest. how do you feel?

so when I was scoping out the drafthouse site checking show prices I stumbled on a little link to an online quiz.

what Princess Bride character are you?









Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies

destination: not canada

turns out canada is not the all inclusive destination for the peace loving warriors of america.

not that this has anything to do with the thinking civilian world, as long as no draft is in place no one is going to be forced against their will to fight in iraq.

as has been said before: you cannot agree to join the army if you have a true moral objection to killing.

so you know what, hinzman, you’re a deserter, a criminal and a scoundrel.

and another thing, I hear that france is a good place to escape american justice.

coming to a street near you

the us army has once again missed their monthly recruiting goal, prompting a change in strategy, well not really.

their new strategy is to put more recruiters on the streets hassling young, underemployed minorities into joining. stop-loss will also become the norm, but that wasn’t in the article. that was just something I guessed at, and if fox news can guess and get away with it so can I.

well, actually fox lies.

checks and balances, still in place ever under W

the supreme court denied the appeal of Terri Schiavo’s parents.

this of course is the only outcome that makes sense and was therefore completely unexpected. although the last time I checked the msnbc.com poll on this case is still running 69% in favor of the husband. money it seems can buy you a law, but it won’t make that law constitutional.

and 90% of people responding believe the politicians are pressing their own agendas, go figure.

austin insights by Boy&Horse

I don’t do drugs…

okay, so… I don’t do drugs, not that I’m against their use, I just don’t dig on them.

so there are things you can tell by looking at me, one I’m a little chubby. I’m comfortable enough to admit that, so it’s obvious I don’t shoot heroine. I have meat on my bones, so I got that going for me.

second, I’m not cool so I don’t snort cocaine, or I don’t snort cocaine so I’m not cool. I’ve never been to clear on the order of that one. no cool, no cocaine. this is also obvious… or so I hope.

third, I’m scruffy, but not too scruffy so it shows to most people that I don’t smoke pot. and my hairs short, so I’m not a hippy, this might all make sense at the end of this post.

or maybe not…

fourth, I don’t drink or smoke. ever. just never saw the appeal of alcohol. so it would be obvious to the thinking world that I don’t dig clubs.

the point, austin of full of drug users and night clubs. and they all love live music and are ready to dig into their drug money to get in to see a lame band play in a too small night club, half-drunk and not putting out a good product. the band, not the addicts, addicts are mostly fun to watch. bands, not so much.

you really shouldn’t carry anything with you

not that I saw a lot of people getting jumped for their bags, but it’s a long fucking walk from a parking space to any where in Austin. unless you live in the warehouse district, and if you do that’s a little lame, you can’t get a close parking space near anything. so I checked into SxSW and got a bag full of ads and magazines, and a dvd(a c. thomas howell movie if you can believe that shit). and it had to weight thirty pounds, the bag was one of those hippy-reusable grocery bag with shit straps. you know the ones that cut into your shoulder when you have a single chic-lit in them.

I hurt, like when I started carrying a sousaphone in high school. deep shoulder hurt.

so really don’t carry anything with you, lock it in you car. car keys and a wallet are the only thing’s you should carry and as far as the crime thing goes just don’t carry cash

I attract drug addicts

so I’m waiting in line to see Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, and I just got out of Dead Birds and got right back in line to see that next movie.

just a side not here, but why does it take the alamo drafthouse a full hour to clean up? hell, Dead Birds had maybe thirty people watching including myself and my bag and it still took them an hour, WTF??

so, I get back in line to see sarah silverman, and I’m usually not very vocal about this, but she it hot and it’s nice to watch a comic and actually enjoy looking at the comic. I got a dvd of henry rollins and it’s much easier to listen to than watch. so I skipped the earlier showing and this was the last showing of any movie at this years SxSW, I saw the first and last showings…

anyway I got in line and immediately an aging hippy cuts me in line, so not being a tree-hugger I tapped him on the shoulder and made me presence know. so after he moved behind me, he starts grousing about the way the festival has been run this year. now this is my first years and I have my own little issues with the run of place, but I know that no one else cares.

the hippy doesn’t know, or doesn’t care. direct quote, ‘why do they let people run this?’

good question, better question is who should run the festival if not people.

‘I don’t know, but people always screw it up…’

I blink and turn away, but in a line you can’t run away.

‘it’s like the government…’

I don’t turn back, I resist.

‘they just start wars…’

okay at this I turn, and I’m not a shill for the man, but really wars came first. governments just made wars bigger. so I turn to the hipster and mention this.

reaction, ‘…’

so the line finally starts to move. I don’t sit next to the hippy in the drafthouse.

so after I saw The Thing About My Folks I got right back in line to see Promedio Rojo, a chilean teen-sex comedy. good movie, fun watch, except that harry knowles wouldn’t stop babbling through-out the film.

so I got in line and this time I’m behind the drug addicts. chain smoking in the line ahead of my. dressed all in purple.

purple long-sleeve tee.

purple jeans… where does a guy get purple jeans.

and a purple bandana, on top of his head.

unless you’re a short effeminate, high pitched guy named prince, you shouldn’t where all purple.

so the drug addict turns to me and says, ‘so what’s this movie about?’

now by this time I’ve been in the line for about ten minutes, and the line was already long by the time I got in it, so this guy must have been waiting at least thirty more minutes in the line than me, because I was it the last person in line because paul rieser can babble like nobody’s business about himself. I don’t like to stand in line for more than twenty minutes for something I’m know about, this guy didn’t even know what it was about.

so I pulled out my giant SxSW book and showed him the description, because although I saw the trailer I really had no other way to describe the movie than chilean teen-sex comedy. now after seeing it I would say American Pie in Spanish, only good.

I also mention this guy because he had a platinum badge, meaning he could see anything movie or music or interactive. I just got the movie badge and I don’t think I could have done anything more than see the movies and this guys spend $600 on a platinum badge, just a waste.

police and red lights

so over the course of nine days I never saw any cops stopped at any red lights, and I also heard more sirens than at any other time in my life. I might be a little naïve but it might be nice if the cops led by example and stopped at red once in a while.

adult recreational services inc.

as with everything hookers are easy to spot. I parked at a parking garage at 4th and red river, and if you know anything about austin, the alamo drafthouse is on 3rd and colorado so this was about a eight block walk from my car and the movie. so I went to seven nights of movie five in downtown Austin, so during the course of these five nights I’m solicited every night by these same half dozen hookers.

I abstain for two reasons: I’m a pussy, I’ll admit this right here. and I don’t carry cash, ever. I had $7 bucks for parking and my bank card. now I’m not sure if the hookers would have taken my bank card, but I know that I don’t need that showing up on my bank statement. adult recreational services inc.

pregnant woman and clubs

so after I pass the hookers last night notice a line for one of the many clubs in austin and at the end of the line there is this pregnant woman, a good seven to eight months pregnant, in a skin tight leopard print dress cigarette in between two fingers babbling on a cell phone.

now this was 1:30 am, and I’m feeling ragged, this chick is uber-pregnant and trying to get into the club at this time.

do you want some incense for a buck?

so after I spot the pregnant woman I’m still heading to my car and I pass the raging party at the o’henry house and I cross this unmark street to the hilton near the convention center, and I guy says, ‘hey man, what street is this?’

I back up and check out the street signs, nothing. and I’ve been walking the streets of austin for a few days, but I just don’t know the streets, so I say I don’t know. and this is where the conversation goes off on an odd, at least for me, tangent.

‘wanna buy some incense for a buck?’

naw dude I’m good

‘how ‘bout a dime bag?’

I’m good… and I just have this strange vision of where this conversation is headed

‘how about some horse tranquilizers?’

thankfully I start walking away before it got that far.

‘I’ll be here dude…’

parking level three

so my parking garage was right there and normally I park on the second level and take the stairs up to my car and head home, but this last night I had to park on the third level and I work on the third floor of an office building and monday through friday I take the stairs. they’re closer to my desk and I can use the exercise.

but this was 1:40 in the morning, and as I’ve said before I’m a pussy, so I took the elevator, that is why is it there.

so I get on the elevator with a few other people a couple of guys and a couple of girls. the walls of this elevator are covered with dusty foot prints all the way up to the ceiling and the light fixture and as far as I can tell all the foot prints are right foot prints I could only make out a couple of left shoes. as I said I’m a pussy, but the guys were just a little bit more so than I as they got off on the second level and I could have mounted the stairs to the second level in the amount of time I waited for the elevator, so it wasn’t everest or anything.

and the girls were slightly less a couple of pussies than me because they were parked on the fourth level, so I guys that’s a little bit of irony.

then I drove home and fell asleep for ten hours

fin

there is no tyranny so despotic as that of public opinion among a free people

no real connection between tonight quote and the rest of the blog, I just like pissing on the idea of majority rule

mexican horror, chilean teen-sex comedies, hong kong action/comedies, and crispin glover…

what does all that mean?

why, SxSW of course. this year I’m dropping $300 on a film registration and I’m cutting to the head of the line. I’ve lined up twenty films over the course of nine days and I’m still stuck working the full week at my day job. sleep will just be a memory come next Saturday.

check out my daily, as much as a full work schedule and nightly movies will allow, reports from the best that sundance rejected.

==> www.alifelessomovies.blogspot.com <==

jebus wept

super geek

I must push this link. wilwheaton.net

I’ll admit I hated the crusher as a child watching ST:TNG, but it’s a little cool to see that his website and blog don’t suck ass. check it out for a laugh and for the soft-core porn links, I shit you not there are porn links on Wesley Crusher’s website.

hell, I’m thinking of buying a william fucking shatner t-shirt from his store, and that’s not the weirdest thing there.

good times.

on second thought, let’s not go there… it’s a silly place

well turns out there might actually be a reason to visit nyc. The Holy Grail is a great movie, but I’m interested in seeing what kind of musical it would make.

über-étrange

so I was hitting all the normal lurking spots and I came across this disturbing link on Holbrook’s blog.

my answer: jebus hates, jebus hates me, jebus hates you, jebus hates everything you and I love.

ex. george W. bush
ex. the holocaust
ex. republicans
ex. the crusades
ex. karl rove

if there was any love in jebus’ heart he would smite these people and the people that cased these horrors.

there is also one other thing: HE’S DEAD! and has been dead for pretty damn close to 2000 years, and he isn’t coming back, ever.

god is a figment of the tortured imaginations of small creatures that needed something, anything to fight away the thunder.

it’s plato and the cave time people, time to step into the light.

fuck baby jebus.

brutal

so on to other things, right now I’m watching the hack-job Spike has made of The Hunt For Red October. more than just the fullframe and the language edits, they’ve ripped out scenes at random, character background stories, and most of the really good lines. this is worse than a prime time version of Deep Throat on PAX.

for shame Spike.

the only saving grace is debbie gibson every few minutes before the commercials.

danger... danger... danger will robinson

blog at your own risk

I stumbled upon this story this morning after taking the longest call of my life. now I was never temped to post anything about the call except the length: one hour, eight minutes and fifty-nine seconds.

I’m so gonna get slammed on my quality for that one, but I can’t hang up on a caller unless they curse after I warn them. and this caller was polite.

so I’m fucked.

but, as I was saying, people shouldn’t post about their jobs in easily identifiable ways. I love reading Holbrook’s blog, but I can never put the kind of detail into my posts that he does. I actually have laws that limit my detail, and the electronic usage agreement I’m bound by.

in the end, if you wouldn’t email it or print it in a newspaper, don’t talk about your job in your blog.

but Holbrook, you may continue.

publish and be damned

misanthrope

yesterday, as I was lurking around the web, I fell upon webster’s online dictionary, and the word of the day was misanthrope: a person who hates or distrusts humankind.

I believe that as I grow older I am becoming more and more misanthropic. I drive down the road and the see the ‘W’ like black and white swastikas everywhere. the calls I take at work, from people the republicans have stripped of all social benefits, are filled with the culture of entitlement. and a deep, sickening racism, ‘I want a doctor with an american name... they don’t speak no english…’

ignorance has given way to stupidity. the taint of republicanism woven into the very words coming from the social bottom. before the republicans took over texas we could boast that a texan president signed the social security act of 1965. now we have fewer benefits for our poor than louisiana or arkansas.

I have a distain of this species

teen jailed for zombie terror

well I picked up this story a couple of days ago, and in a rare pause, I have waited to post about it. like most things the surface is very thin on this one, and the opposing opinions are remarkably well matched.

for good or for bad, I’m not going to take a side. but I do feel that $5000 is too much for the bail for this kid, if his grandparents were the ones who turned him in, I doubt anyone would be willing to raise a hundred bucks for the dumb-cluck.

then again this is kentucky.

more reasons to hate the french

as if we really needed more, the french have shown they know just as little about common decency as the rest of the world. what amountes to the lower economic half of the town of angers has been arrested for sexually assaulting their own children and selling those same children into prostitution. apparently the age of enlightenment skipped angers

divorce iranian style

as I’m not a fundamentalist anything, I can’t really say how the judges will rule on this one, but I say she has a really good case. I can’t stand how I smell after more than one night, and I live in an air condition first-world country with real laws and clean water, an epidemic of food and a $12 dollar an hour job. so I can only image the retched stench of this man that lives in iran and has given up the simple benefit of bathing.

god help her, set that poor woman free.

bus driver killed en route

more evidence in the case of tennessee vs. the think world, a teen has been accused of shooting his bus driver. and the kicker is he chose to shoot her while the bus was moving, all because she turned the mental light-weight in for chewing tobacco on the bus to school.

and on the day after the supreme court decides juvenile executions are no longer constitutional.

so the evidence now stands at:
causing Texans more work with online forms… tn before tx
Leslie Ballin’s ‘jury pool from hell’
senator fred dalton thompson
and now teen kill bus driver over chewing tobaco

how am I not myself

infinity and nothingness

tonight I began watching I heart Huckabees, I write this because I started the movie late and it’s still playing.

what I have gleaned from this little jaunt through the modern philosophical interpretations it that I earned my ‘A’ in philosophy. I managed to follow the mishmash of platonic and eastern ideas.

the important thing to remember is that: you are nothing and everything.

physically we are all connect through base particles, but meta-physically we are separated by the chains we forge in life. as we progress to the 'omega point' physically we break down the base particles and push forward to the perfect state of being: as far as I can tell, a cat. meta-physically we only pile on more chains. so infinity and nothingness do coexist… in completely separate houses, three counties apart.

the world works because people do not ask the big stupid questions.

why are we here? to go forth and multiply.

what is the meaning of it all? to question the meaning of it all.

is there life on other planets? is there truely life on this planet?

what would brian botano do? he’d kick an ass or two, that’s what brian botano'd do.

the big questions already have answers, we just can’t fully deal with the simplicity of the answers. it’s the little questions that we think we can answer, but have no idea what are the real answers.

take an minute to ponder the answer to this: why is nine times six, forty-two?

personally, I think it has something to do with quantum.

you take the good, you take the bad, you take the rest and there you have...

oscar the grouch

once again the Oscars have been awarded and opinions abound.

even susan lucci won in the end

martin scorsese gets fucked again and Rocky VI takes the oscar for best picture. that’s cracked, but what the hell it’s all rigged any way.

jamie foxx won, big surprise

the bening lost, again, to hilary swank, again. one more ‘again’ and she’d be up there with tom sizemore. maybe the bening should try playing a man, seems to work for swank.

morgan freeman won, and it’s about damn time. what ever you say about foxx in Ray, freeman should have won for Glory, Shawshank Redemption and Se7en, he should have four oscars on his mantle.

not much else to say, except this last year was really bad for movies and 2005 is off to a real shitty start…

sure a dictatorship would be easier

all results are final

it is official, the razzies have been announced and the loser is…

a tie, Catwoman and Fahrenheit 9/11 both received four razzies each.

I, of course, lost a few categories. I thought Dr. Rice was equally as bad as britney spears, and that oliver stone would be recognized as a horrendous screenwriter.

I was wrong, and these are the losers feast upon their failure…

WORST PICTURE
CATWOMAN (Warner Bros.)

WORST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
George W. Bush
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Halle Berry
CATWOMAN

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Donald Rumsfeld
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Britney Spears
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR His Pet Goat
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL
SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (Warner Bros.)

WORST DIRECTOR
“Pitof”
CATWOMAN

WORST SCREENPLAY
Theresa Rebeck and John Brancato & Michael Ferris and John Rogers
CATWOMAN

you better take care of me lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands

what? no. we can't stop here. this is bat country…

we were somewhere around hutto when the sugar began to take hold…

I remember saying something like.

‘I feel a bit light headed… maybe you should drive’

suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and on the road was what looked like huge hippos, all running and ramming around the suv and a voice was screaming.

‘holy jebus what are these god damn animals?’

I swung wildly at the beasts…

sticky squealed loudly.

‘eeeeeeee.’

I responded coyly.

‘nothing, it’s your turn to drive…’

no point mentioning the hippos I thought, the poor bastard will see them soon enough.

I crossed cautiously to the trunk, swinging my hands to shoo the hippos.

we had two bags of cookies, seventy-five jelly bellies, five sheets of high-powered candy buttons, a saltshaker half-full of splenda, and a whole galaxy of truffles, milk duds, suckers, and laffy taffy… also a quart of lemonade, a quart of coke, a case of dr pepper, a pint of raw honey, and two dozen pixie sticks.

not that we needed all that for this trip, but once get into a serious candy collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

the only thing that really worried me was the honey.

there is nothing in the world more hopeless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a honey binger, and I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

sticky started squealing at the wheel again.

‘eeeeeee ah ah ah, yap, eeeeee.’

I responded again.

‘one toke you young fool, wait ‘til you see those hippos…’

then we saw gnut one the road side, spiderman bag in hand.

sticky looked over and slowed the suv.

‘eeeeee’

I reacted quickly the sugar still racing.

‘no, you can’t stop here… this is hippo country…’

it was too late, sticky had stopped the suv and was fighting the auto-lock.

I gave him the look that meant nothing and let go.

‘where’s mommies car?’

gnut spoke opening the door.

sticky and I snapped our heads back.

‘at home, well I guess we better go…’

‘eeeeee, eeee, yeah yeah yeah, yup.’

I turned to sticky.

‘no more of that talk or it’s back in the car seat, understand.’

I turned back to gnut.

‘get in.’

in memory of Hunter S. Thompson’s ungracious departure I have gonzoed my first entry for tonight. you might notice this is a take off of the first scene of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. a highly under rated movie.

one of us

this morning while a skimmed through the front page of msnbc.com I fell upon what would turn out to be the medical oddities section. it was labeled children’s health, but I wasn’t buying it
the thing with two heads
most of the people I showed this article to were convinced that the picture was fake, and it might have been, I’m taking no sides, but the article stated that the second head could smile and blink. now the fascist majority of this country thinks it’s a sin to kill something that can’t breath or think. but something that can actually control it’s mouth and eyes is a parasite.
mermaid girl
this one turned out to be more common to the people I work with, so she makes the list because barnum would have rolled over in his crate if I hadn’t. she is apparently headed to a full recovery once they stretch her leg skin out a bit more.
romanian twins
identical twins born two months apart. must be chernobyl fall-out.
thumbelina
worlds smallest child, smaller than the dr pepper can I’m holding. born, as if you could tell, 16 weeks early and fighting toward a full recovery.
fezzik
now on the other end of the caesarean spectrum, the worlds largest child, and this ain’t a tabloid picture. diabetes rears it’s ugly head once again. when will bush declare war on diabetes and save the world from the blight of massive babies. when god, when.
victor/victoria
it’s about time they moved away from the automatic snip. and started to recognize that sex and gender are not determined at birth, but when the individual makes that choice later in life.

it’s the end of the world as we know… and I feel like shit…

I remember seeing uncut loony toons when I was a young child, then tipper came in and cut all the good parts out and made it ‘safe’ for children.

now the wb wants an edgier toon. why don’t they repair the damage to the old stuff and leave bugs alone.

and why the hell is bugs yellow?

hudson hawk still not taken seriously

I never read the Da Vinci Code, nor do I wish to, but I remember reading somewhere that is was FICTION, as in fake, made up, not real, the tripped light fantastic, santa and the male-friendly lesbian.

they haven’t put this much scrutiny to the bible.

don’t these people have jobs.

Hudson Hawk didn’t get this kind of flap, and it was about da vinci.

what’s the deal?

podunk’s rebuttal

for longer than I could walk my older sister has been called podunk, or podunky. it has always been what she was called, so when I needed to refer to her in this blog I thought nothing of using her nick-name.

well to my surprise, she does not like the nick-name podunk. normally I wouldn’t care but she is threatening legal action, and the courts in this country still claim to take libel serious.

so I will no longer refer to podunk as podunk. I’m not sure just yet what nick-name I will use to refer to podunk, but I will find something.

rest assured.

never make a defense or apology before you be accused

you're going to die young because of the 30 cigarettes a day you've smoked since you were fifteen, and you're going to hell for the life you took, you're fucked

last night I saw Constantine, and despite the usual criticism that keanu reeves gets, I really liked it.

the story was good the effects were great and there wasn’t a little kid kicking the back of my chair the whole time. I had a really great time.

the best part was the supporting cast, especially tilda swinton. the quote for this entry was hers and she delivered the line dead perfect. she was also given the second best part in the film, Gabriel, wings and all. the last movie she had that premiered in Texas was Orlando, and I happen to be one of the five people in Texas to have seen it, it was an okay movie, I mention it because she played a guy in that movie too.

the best character was Lucifer, played flawlessly by peter stormare. a part he seemed to be born to play. Fargo, 8MM, Minority Report all flowed into this part and he played it like a fiddle, with a smile even.

now this is where I’m going to break with the rest of the thinking world, I think keanu reeves is an okay actor. I don’t think he should do any more shakespeare, although he did a decent Don John. he makes movies I like all the way back to Babes in Toyland. his seemingly bad choices have only benefited me in the long run, and I’m hoping he never gets better at picking scripts.

stranger than fiction

tom sizemore was arrested, again, for failing a drug test, again, by using a prosthetic penis to fake the test, again.

reminds me of the old saying, if at first you don’t succeed: try, try again.

that said, I am amazed that he tried such a thing to fake a drug test. the oddest thing was that he has tried this before, as though this was something that junkies usually try, when they want to beat a drug test. took me a little by surprise.

sizemore’s choice of roles might have been a tip off that he wasn’t all that stable, he played that gnutty cop in Natural Born Killers a little too well.

why’d the hell’d he think that he’d get away with it.

the weight of discs

I did an official count of the dvds I own this week, and the count as it stands tonight is 152 dvd movies, not including tv shows or anime. I used to have a very long amazon wish list, mostly dvds, but I have trimmed it down to 29 and almost half are books. I consider this to be an improvement, I have a bit of an addiction to dvds. I love them, the ease of use and small size, and the fact that for the most part they are not too expensive. I haven’t paid more than $40 for a dvd, and that wasn’t even for myself.

so come friday I’m planning to pick up a couple more: The Village, Johnny Mnemonic and probably Onmyoji as well.

Wigfield so far

a couple of weeks ago a bought a book on an impulse, read about it online and then picked it up from b&n.

Wigfield has been a pretty good read, lots of good characters and a good subplot, but unfortunately it’s lacking a main plot. or at least one that I can figure out.

It was written by amy sedaris and stephen colbert, the cracked minds behind Strangers With Candy, one of the better tv shows of the late nineties. I loved the show so I picked up Wigfield. I don’t regret the purchase, just the lack of plot.

my suggestion: camp out in the b&n around the corner, get a white chocolate mocha from the coffee shop and read the book. if you like, it buy, if not enjoy the coffee.

razzle dazzle

we have a tradition in my family, every year one of my aunts prints up a ballot of the oscar picks. we choose who we think will win in ten categories, put $5 into the pot and wait for the results. the winner gets the cash and the losers get crapola.

I’ve never won and it sucks ass, so this year I’m starting a new tradition: the razzies.

the rules are simple, vote for the worst of the worst, send your picks and 5 jelly bellies of any flavor but cotton candy. winners get to split the jelly beans. the losers still get crapola, but at least it doesn’t cost $5. entry is open just to my family this year, but next year will be open to anyone willing.

(the razzies are trademarked, as well they should be, the razzies website is linked, but the movies are not linked, there are just too much horrible to link for just one blog)

25th Annual Golden Raspberry (RAZZIE®) Award Nominations

WORST PICTURE
ALEXANDER (Warner Bros.)
CATWOMAN (Warner Bros.)
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2 (Triumph Films)
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS (DreamWorks)
WHITE CHICKS (Columbia/Revolution)

WORST ACTOR
Ben Affleck
JERSEY GIRL and SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
George W. Bush
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Vin Diesel
CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK
Colin Farrell
ALEXANDER
Ben Stiller
ALONG CAME POLLY, ANCHORMAN, DODGEBALL,
ENVY and STARSKY & HUTCH

WORST ACTRESS
Halle Berry
CATWOMAN
Hilary Duff
CINDERELLA STORY and RAISE YOUR VOICE
Angelina Jolie
ALEXANDER and TAKING LIVES
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
NEW YORK MINUTE
Shawn & Marlon (The Wayans Sisters)
WHITE CHICKS

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Ben Affleck & EITHER Jennifer Lopez OR Liv Tyler
JERSEY GIRL
Halle Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone
CATWOMAN
George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR His Pet Goat
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
NEW YORK MINUTE
The Wayans Brothers
WHITE CHICKS

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Carmen Electra
STARKSY & HUTCH
Jennifer Lopez
JERSEY GIRL
Condoleeza Rice
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Britney Spears
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Sharon Stone
CATWOMAN

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Val Kilmer
ALEXANDER
Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE
Donald Rumsfeld
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Jon Voight
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Lambert Wilson
CATWOMAN

WORST DIRECTOR
Bob Clark
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Renny Harlin and/or Paul Schrader
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING
“Pitof”
CATWOMAN
Oliver Stone
ALEXANDER
Keenan Ivory Wayans
WHITE CHICKS

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL
ALIEN v PREDATOR (20th Century-Fox)
ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID (Screen Gems)
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE (Disney)
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING (Warner Bros.)
SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (Warner Bros.)

WORST SCREENPLAY
Oliver Stone, Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kalogridis
ALEXANDER
Theresa Rebeck and John Brancato & Michael Ferris and John Rogers
CATWOMAN
Steven Paul and Gregory Poppen
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Deborah Kaplan & Harry Elfont and Jeffrey Ventimilia & Joshua Sternin
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Keenan & Shawn & Marlon Wayans and Andy McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden and Xavier Cook
WHITE CHICKS