austin insights by Boy&Horse

I don’t do drugs…

okay, so… I don’t do drugs, not that I’m against their use, I just don’t dig on them.

so there are things you can tell by looking at me, one I’m a little chubby. I’m comfortable enough to admit that, so it’s obvious I don’t shoot heroine. I have meat on my bones, so I got that going for me.

second, I’m not cool so I don’t snort cocaine, or I don’t snort cocaine so I’m not cool. I’ve never been to clear on the order of that one. no cool, no cocaine. this is also obvious… or so I hope.

third, I’m scruffy, but not too scruffy so it shows to most people that I don’t smoke pot. and my hairs short, so I’m not a hippy, this might all make sense at the end of this post.

or maybe not…

fourth, I don’t drink or smoke. ever. just never saw the appeal of alcohol. so it would be obvious to the thinking world that I don’t dig clubs.

the point, austin of full of drug users and night clubs. and they all love live music and are ready to dig into their drug money to get in to see a lame band play in a too small night club, half-drunk and not putting out a good product. the band, not the addicts, addicts are mostly fun to watch. bands, not so much.

you really shouldn’t carry anything with you

not that I saw a lot of people getting jumped for their bags, but it’s a long fucking walk from a parking space to any where in Austin. unless you live in the warehouse district, and if you do that’s a little lame, you can’t get a close parking space near anything. so I checked into SxSW and got a bag full of ads and magazines, and a dvd(a c. thomas howell movie if you can believe that shit). and it had to weight thirty pounds, the bag was one of those hippy-reusable grocery bag with shit straps. you know the ones that cut into your shoulder when you have a single chic-lit in them.

I hurt, like when I started carrying a sousaphone in high school. deep shoulder hurt.

so really don’t carry anything with you, lock it in you car. car keys and a wallet are the only thing’s you should carry and as far as the crime thing goes just don’t carry cash

I attract drug addicts

so I’m waiting in line to see Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, and I just got out of Dead Birds and got right back in line to see that next movie.

just a side not here, but why does it take the alamo drafthouse a full hour to clean up? hell, Dead Birds had maybe thirty people watching including myself and my bag and it still took them an hour, WTF??

so, I get back in line to see sarah silverman, and I’m usually not very vocal about this, but she it hot and it’s nice to watch a comic and actually enjoy looking at the comic. I got a dvd of henry rollins and it’s much easier to listen to than watch. so I skipped the earlier showing and this was the last showing of any movie at this years SxSW, I saw the first and last showings…

anyway I got in line and immediately an aging hippy cuts me in line, so not being a tree-hugger I tapped him on the shoulder and made me presence know. so after he moved behind me, he starts grousing about the way the festival has been run this year. now this is my first years and I have my own little issues with the run of place, but I know that no one else cares.

the hippy doesn’t know, or doesn’t care. direct quote, ‘why do they let people run this?’

good question, better question is who should run the festival if not people.

‘I don’t know, but people always screw it up…’

I blink and turn away, but in a line you can’t run away.

‘it’s like the government…’

I don’t turn back, I resist.

‘they just start wars…’

okay at this I turn, and I’m not a shill for the man, but really wars came first. governments just made wars bigger. so I turn to the hipster and mention this.

reaction, ‘…’

so the line finally starts to move. I don’t sit next to the hippy in the drafthouse.

so after I saw The Thing About My Folks I got right back in line to see Promedio Rojo, a chilean teen-sex comedy. good movie, fun watch, except that harry knowles wouldn’t stop babbling through-out the film.

so I got in line and this time I’m behind the drug addicts. chain smoking in the line ahead of my. dressed all in purple.

purple long-sleeve tee.

purple jeans… where does a guy get purple jeans.

and a purple bandana, on top of his head.

unless you’re a short effeminate, high pitched guy named prince, you shouldn’t where all purple.

so the drug addict turns to me and says, ‘so what’s this movie about?’

now by this time I’ve been in the line for about ten minutes, and the line was already long by the time I got in it, so this guy must have been waiting at least thirty more minutes in the line than me, because I was it the last person in line because paul rieser can babble like nobody’s business about himself. I don’t like to stand in line for more than twenty minutes for something I’m know about, this guy didn’t even know what it was about.

so I pulled out my giant SxSW book and showed him the description, because although I saw the trailer I really had no other way to describe the movie than chilean teen-sex comedy. now after seeing it I would say American Pie in Spanish, only good.

I also mention this guy because he had a platinum badge, meaning he could see anything movie or music or interactive. I just got the movie badge and I don’t think I could have done anything more than see the movies and this guys spend $600 on a platinum badge, just a waste.

police and red lights

so over the course of nine days I never saw any cops stopped at any red lights, and I also heard more sirens than at any other time in my life. I might be a little naïve but it might be nice if the cops led by example and stopped at red once in a while.

adult recreational services inc.

as with everything hookers are easy to spot. I parked at a parking garage at 4th and red river, and if you know anything about austin, the alamo drafthouse is on 3rd and colorado so this was about a eight block walk from my car and the movie. so I went to seven nights of movie five in downtown Austin, so during the course of these five nights I’m solicited every night by these same half dozen hookers.

I abstain for two reasons: I’m a pussy, I’ll admit this right here. and I don’t carry cash, ever. I had $7 bucks for parking and my bank card. now I’m not sure if the hookers would have taken my bank card, but I know that I don’t need that showing up on my bank statement. adult recreational services inc.

pregnant woman and clubs

so after I pass the hookers last night notice a line for one of the many clubs in austin and at the end of the line there is this pregnant woman, a good seven to eight months pregnant, in a skin tight leopard print dress cigarette in between two fingers babbling on a cell phone.

now this was 1:30 am, and I’m feeling ragged, this chick is uber-pregnant and trying to get into the club at this time.

do you want some incense for a buck?

so after I spot the pregnant woman I’m still heading to my car and I pass the raging party at the o’henry house and I cross this unmark street to the hilton near the convention center, and I guy says, ‘hey man, what street is this?’

I back up and check out the street signs, nothing. and I’ve been walking the streets of austin for a few days, but I just don’t know the streets, so I say I don’t know. and this is where the conversation goes off on an odd, at least for me, tangent.

‘wanna buy some incense for a buck?’

naw dude I’m good

‘how ‘bout a dime bag?’

I’m good… and I just have this strange vision of where this conversation is headed

‘how about some horse tranquilizers?’

thankfully I start walking away before it got that far.

‘I’ll be here dude…’

parking level three

so my parking garage was right there and normally I park on the second level and take the stairs up to my car and head home, but this last night I had to park on the third level and I work on the third floor of an office building and monday through friday I take the stairs. they’re closer to my desk and I can use the exercise.

but this was 1:40 in the morning, and as I’ve said before I’m a pussy, so I took the elevator, that is why is it there.

so I get on the elevator with a few other people a couple of guys and a couple of girls. the walls of this elevator are covered with dusty foot prints all the way up to the ceiling and the light fixture and as far as I can tell all the foot prints are right foot prints I could only make out a couple of left shoes. as I said I’m a pussy, but the guys were just a little bit more so than I as they got off on the second level and I could have mounted the stairs to the second level in the amount of time I waited for the elevator, so it wasn’t everest or anything.

and the girls were slightly less a couple of pussies than me because they were parked on the fourth level, so I guys that’s a little bit of irony.

then I drove home and fell asleep for ten hours

fin