you take the good, you take the bad, you take the rest and there you have...

oscar the grouch

once again the Oscars have been awarded and opinions abound.

even susan lucci won in the end

martin scorsese gets fucked again and Rocky VI takes the oscar for best picture. that’s cracked, but what the hell it’s all rigged any way.

jamie foxx won, big surprise

the bening lost, again, to hilary swank, again. one more ‘again’ and she’d be up there with tom sizemore. maybe the bening should try playing a man, seems to work for swank.

morgan freeman won, and it’s about damn time. what ever you say about foxx in Ray, freeman should have won for Glory, Shawshank Redemption and Se7en, he should have four oscars on his mantle.

not much else to say, except this last year was really bad for movies and 2005 is off to a real shitty start…

sure a dictatorship would be easier

all results are final

it is official, the razzies have been announced and the loser is…

a tie, Catwoman and Fahrenheit 9/11 both received four razzies each.

I, of course, lost a few categories. I thought Dr. Rice was equally as bad as britney spears, and that oliver stone would be recognized as a horrendous screenwriter.

I was wrong, and these are the losers feast upon their failure…

WORST PICTURE
CATWOMAN (Warner Bros.)

WORST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
George W. Bush
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE
Halle Berry
CATWOMAN

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Donald Rumsfeld
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Britney Spears
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR His Pet Goat
FAHRENHEIT 9/11

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL
SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (Warner Bros.)

WORST DIRECTOR
“Pitof”
CATWOMAN

WORST SCREENPLAY
Theresa Rebeck and John Brancato & Michael Ferris and John Rogers
CATWOMAN

you better take care of me lord, if you don't you're gonna have me on your hands

what? no. we can't stop here. this is bat country…

we were somewhere around hutto when the sugar began to take hold…

I remember saying something like.

‘I feel a bit light headed… maybe you should drive’

suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and on the road was what looked like huge hippos, all running and ramming around the suv and a voice was screaming.

‘holy jebus what are these god damn animals?’

I swung wildly at the beasts…

sticky squealed loudly.

‘eeeeeeee.’

I responded coyly.

‘nothing, it’s your turn to drive…’

no point mentioning the hippos I thought, the poor bastard will see them soon enough.

I crossed cautiously to the trunk, swinging my hands to shoo the hippos.

we had two bags of cookies, seventy-five jelly bellies, five sheets of high-powered candy buttons, a saltshaker half-full of splenda, and a whole galaxy of truffles, milk duds, suckers, and laffy taffy… also a quart of lemonade, a quart of coke, a case of dr pepper, a pint of raw honey, and two dozen pixie sticks.

not that we needed all that for this trip, but once get into a serious candy collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

the only thing that really worried me was the honey.

there is nothing in the world more hopeless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a honey binger, and I knew we’d get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

sticky started squealing at the wheel again.

‘eeeeeee ah ah ah, yap, eeeeee.’

I responded again.

‘one toke you young fool, wait ‘til you see those hippos…’

then we saw gnut one the road side, spiderman bag in hand.

sticky looked over and slowed the suv.

‘eeeeee’

I reacted quickly the sugar still racing.

‘no, you can’t stop here… this is hippo country…’

it was too late, sticky had stopped the suv and was fighting the auto-lock.

I gave him the look that meant nothing and let go.

‘where’s mommies car?’

gnut spoke opening the door.

sticky and I snapped our heads back.

‘at home, well I guess we better go…’

‘eeeeee, eeee, yeah yeah yeah, yup.’

I turned to sticky.

‘no more of that talk or it’s back in the car seat, understand.’

I turned back to gnut.

‘get in.’

in memory of Hunter S. Thompson’s ungracious departure I have gonzoed my first entry for tonight. you might notice this is a take off of the first scene of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. a highly under rated movie.

one of us

this morning while a skimmed through the front page of msnbc.com I fell upon what would turn out to be the medical oddities section. it was labeled children’s health, but I wasn’t buying it
the thing with two heads
most of the people I showed this article to were convinced that the picture was fake, and it might have been, I’m taking no sides, but the article stated that the second head could smile and blink. now the fascist majority of this country thinks it’s a sin to kill something that can’t breath or think. but something that can actually control it’s mouth and eyes is a parasite.
mermaid girl
this one turned out to be more common to the people I work with, so she makes the list because barnum would have rolled over in his crate if I hadn’t. she is apparently headed to a full recovery once they stretch her leg skin out a bit more.
romanian twins
identical twins born two months apart. must be chernobyl fall-out.
thumbelina
worlds smallest child, smaller than the dr pepper can I’m holding. born, as if you could tell, 16 weeks early and fighting toward a full recovery.
fezzik
now on the other end of the caesarean spectrum, the worlds largest child, and this ain’t a tabloid picture. diabetes rears it’s ugly head once again. when will bush declare war on diabetes and save the world from the blight of massive babies. when god, when.
victor/victoria
it’s about time they moved away from the automatic snip. and started to recognize that sex and gender are not determined at birth, but when the individual makes that choice later in life.

it’s the end of the world as we know… and I feel like shit…

I remember seeing uncut loony toons when I was a young child, then tipper came in and cut all the good parts out and made it ‘safe’ for children.

now the wb wants an edgier toon. why don’t they repair the damage to the old stuff and leave bugs alone.

and why the hell is bugs yellow?

hudson hawk still not taken seriously

I never read the Da Vinci Code, nor do I wish to, but I remember reading somewhere that is was FICTION, as in fake, made up, not real, the tripped light fantastic, santa and the male-friendly lesbian.

they haven’t put this much scrutiny to the bible.

don’t these people have jobs.

Hudson Hawk didn’t get this kind of flap, and it was about da vinci.

what’s the deal?

podunk’s rebuttal

for longer than I could walk my older sister has been called podunk, or podunky. it has always been what she was called, so when I needed to refer to her in this blog I thought nothing of using her nick-name.

well to my surprise, she does not like the nick-name podunk. normally I wouldn’t care but she is threatening legal action, and the courts in this country still claim to take libel serious.

so I will no longer refer to podunk as podunk. I’m not sure just yet what nick-name I will use to refer to podunk, but I will find something.

rest assured.

never make a defense or apology before you be accused

you're going to die young because of the 30 cigarettes a day you've smoked since you were fifteen, and you're going to hell for the life you took, you're fucked

last night I saw Constantine, and despite the usual criticism that keanu reeves gets, I really liked it.

the story was good the effects were great and there wasn’t a little kid kicking the back of my chair the whole time. I had a really great time.

the best part was the supporting cast, especially tilda swinton. the quote for this entry was hers and she delivered the line dead perfect. she was also given the second best part in the film, Gabriel, wings and all. the last movie she had that premiered in Texas was Orlando, and I happen to be one of the five people in Texas to have seen it, it was an okay movie, I mention it because she played a guy in that movie too.

the best character was Lucifer, played flawlessly by peter stormare. a part he seemed to be born to play. Fargo, 8MM, Minority Report all flowed into this part and he played it like a fiddle, with a smile even.

now this is where I’m going to break with the rest of the thinking world, I think keanu reeves is an okay actor. I don’t think he should do any more shakespeare, although he did a decent Don John. he makes movies I like all the way back to Babes in Toyland. his seemingly bad choices have only benefited me in the long run, and I’m hoping he never gets better at picking scripts.

stranger than fiction

tom sizemore was arrested, again, for failing a drug test, again, by using a prosthetic penis to fake the test, again.

reminds me of the old saying, if at first you don’t succeed: try, try again.

that said, I am amazed that he tried such a thing to fake a drug test. the oddest thing was that he has tried this before, as though this was something that junkies usually try, when they want to beat a drug test. took me a little by surprise.

sizemore’s choice of roles might have been a tip off that he wasn’t all that stable, he played that gnutty cop in Natural Born Killers a little too well.

why’d the hell’d he think that he’d get away with it.

the weight of discs

I did an official count of the dvds I own this week, and the count as it stands tonight is 152 dvd movies, not including tv shows or anime. I used to have a very long amazon wish list, mostly dvds, but I have trimmed it down to 29 and almost half are books. I consider this to be an improvement, I have a bit of an addiction to dvds. I love them, the ease of use and small size, and the fact that for the most part they are not too expensive. I haven’t paid more than $40 for a dvd, and that wasn’t even for myself.

so come friday I’m planning to pick up a couple more: The Village, Johnny Mnemonic and probably Onmyoji as well.

Wigfield so far

a couple of weeks ago a bought a book on an impulse, read about it online and then picked it up from b&n.

Wigfield has been a pretty good read, lots of good characters and a good subplot, but unfortunately it’s lacking a main plot. or at least one that I can figure out.

It was written by amy sedaris and stephen colbert, the cracked minds behind Strangers With Candy, one of the better tv shows of the late nineties. I loved the show so I picked up Wigfield. I don’t regret the purchase, just the lack of plot.

my suggestion: camp out in the b&n around the corner, get a white chocolate mocha from the coffee shop and read the book. if you like, it buy, if not enjoy the coffee.

razzle dazzle

we have a tradition in my family, every year one of my aunts prints up a ballot of the oscar picks. we choose who we think will win in ten categories, put $5 into the pot and wait for the results. the winner gets the cash and the losers get crapola.

I’ve never won and it sucks ass, so this year I’m starting a new tradition: the razzies.

the rules are simple, vote for the worst of the worst, send your picks and 5 jelly bellies of any flavor but cotton candy. winners get to split the jelly beans. the losers still get crapola, but at least it doesn’t cost $5. entry is open just to my family this year, but next year will be open to anyone willing.

(the razzies are trademarked, as well they should be, the razzies website is linked, but the movies are not linked, there are just too much horrible to link for just one blog)

25th Annual Golden Raspberry (RAZZIE®) Award Nominations

WORST PICTURE
ALEXANDER (Warner Bros.)
CATWOMAN (Warner Bros.)
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2 (Triumph Films)
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS (DreamWorks)
WHITE CHICKS (Columbia/Revolution)

WORST ACTOR
Ben Affleck
JERSEY GIRL and SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
George W. Bush
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Vin Diesel
CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK
Colin Farrell
ALEXANDER
Ben Stiller
ALONG CAME POLLY, ANCHORMAN, DODGEBALL,
ENVY and STARSKY & HUTCH

WORST ACTRESS
Halle Berry
CATWOMAN
Hilary Duff
CINDERELLA STORY and RAISE YOUR VOICE
Angelina Jolie
ALEXANDER and TAKING LIVES
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
NEW YORK MINUTE
Shawn & Marlon (The Wayans Sisters)
WHITE CHICKS

WORST SCREEN COUPLE
Ben Affleck & EITHER Jennifer Lopez OR Liv Tyler
JERSEY GIRL
Halle Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone
CATWOMAN
George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR His Pet Goat
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen
NEW YORK MINUTE
The Wayans Brothers
WHITE CHICKS

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Carmen Electra
STARKSY & HUTCH
Jennifer Lopez
JERSEY GIRL
Condoleeza Rice
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Britney Spears
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Sharon Stone
CATWOMAN

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Val Kilmer
ALEXANDER
Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE
Donald Rumsfeld
FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Jon Voight
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Lambert Wilson
CATWOMAN

WORST DIRECTOR
Bob Clark
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Renny Harlin and/or Paul Schrader
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING
“Pitof”
CATWOMAN
Oliver Stone
ALEXANDER
Keenan Ivory Wayans
WHITE CHICKS

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL
ALIEN v PREDATOR (20th Century-Fox)
ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID (Screen Gems)
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE (Disney)
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING (Warner Bros.)
SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (Warner Bros.)

WORST SCREENPLAY
Oliver Stone, Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kalogridis
ALEXANDER
Theresa Rebeck and John Brancato & Michael Ferris and John Rogers
CATWOMAN
Steven Paul and Gregory Poppen
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Deborah Kaplan & Harry Elfont and Jeffrey Ventimilia & Joshua Sternin
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Keenan & Shawn & Marlon Wayans and Andy McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden and Xavier Cook
WHITE CHICKS

you can't hurry love

black monday

I’ve tried to skip over my failed relationship with my ex-girlfriend, today is of course valentine’s day and I am still single, and I still have nothing to really say.

I don’t really believe in holding harmful things in, however my neo-victorian upbringing won’t allow me to really admit to any real emotion. I have in fact spent the last three months since the break-up trying to have an emotional response. I was sick for three days, quiet for a week and then… nothing.

though not really nothing, just the low grade brooding that most people have when something negative, but not life shattering, happens. I was of course let down with the time-honored, ‘I love you, but I need to grow,’

there are of course many ways to grow; emotionally, spiritually, religiously, metaphysically, and physically. I try not to the mental strain is too much for my feeble brain, but my once-significant other, I believe, is on a quest to grow emotionally and spiritually. and I suppose with out my black cloud of imminent damnation following her she shall have an easier time.

I wish her all that monotheism and the path of charity can bring her, I shall have none.

I think I sound a little bitter, I think that might count as an emotion…

week-end at podunks

this past week-end I ventured to the bitter north to visit my eldest sister, podunk and her husband Holbrook. I had a good time playing with their dog, being avoided by their cats and drinking most of their dr pepper. in fact all their dr pepper.

my sojourn started on friday with a long hateful drive through ellis county. there are to my estimation only two things on the road that are against me; toyotas and ellis county.

no other county in the state of texas has worse roads or worse construction. I kid you not there is a crack from one end of the county to the other and they’re not even trying to fix it. I think they are actively trying to widen the crack to keep people in one lane.

and I can’t drive 55. I know this and god knows this, so why does ellis county have to drop an interstate highway down to 55? bastards.

happier days were to follow. saturday brought a road-trip to denton and a purple book store and a dungeon of history. I was able to find a couple of good books I’ve been wanting for a while and I also found a book about the angevin kings of england I didn’t even know was out there.

I also got an over cook steak for lunch, so good time had by all.

sunday was even less eventful, except that I finally got to see Richard III on dvd, the really good one with ian mckellen. I love this version of the play, arguably (and all things are arguable) shakespeare’s greatest comedy. as holbrook and my father have commented he seduces a woman over the body of her dead husband, that he killed.

and the really funny thing is that this might be the most historically accurate part of the whole play.

sometimes we don't do what we want to do because we're afraid that other people will know that we want to do them.

the Village

better story that the Sixth Sense

watch it for what it is and you will enjoy it. the twist is for the viewer, not the characters.

and for that, it is superior.

subversion: a systematic attempt to overthrow or undermine a government or political systems by persons working secretly from with in

grey

yesterday as I was preparing to leave for my weekly visit to my parents I got a call from podunk asking if I knew where to get a copy of the Grey Album.

not being a rap or beatles fan I told her I didn’t, but that I would look.

today when I got home I started my search. two minutes later I stopped and called podunk. I would arrive at her house on friday Grey Album in hand.

while I have never heard the White Album or the Black Album, although one could say now I have heard both. I don’t really like the Grey Album, it’s a little busy for me. but I can respect that it is unique, the product of two divergent artists. neither jay-z nor john lennon could have produced what the Grey Album is even if the truly tried.

in a departure from the norm please go to these sites, read the content. laws effect everyone, no matter their purpose.

electronic frontier foundation
illegal art
grey tuesday
downhill battle
riaaradar(just remember almost every album is released by the riaa)
what a crappy present (it’s very funny)

illegal art and downhill battle are getting permanent site links

I wonder that you will still be talking Signior Benedick, nobody marks you.

still sick, sorta

I'm still a little sick, but thought I should mention just a few things.

gnutter butter

gnut has been grounded by his parents. he broke rule one and rule three at his day care and that has earned him a week's grounding from bob-bob, gamma and good fawn.

I cannot counter this sentence, but I will pray for an early release.

turning the clock back even further

a judge has ruled that an embryo is a child, even if it hasn't been put in a womb. any further back and the mouth-breather at the local computer store will be committing genocide every night in his bedroom.

mia culpa

yesterday also marked one month of a life less ordinary, and I still haven't completed a dvd review.

it may never happen, I will look to my loving family for support in this troubling time. god bless.

the nature of bad news infects the teller

I’m sick, I’ve been sick since Monday. I didn’t mention anything earlier because I can usually fight this sort of thing off, but yesterday it knocked me cold. I got home and went to bed and didn’t get up until this morning for work.

I feel better… a little.

but it has left me with a ton of crap I want to say about a few things. or rather a few things about a ton of crap.

also

so here goes…

hoses and tits

I’m not so much worried about the lying or the uncooperative behavior. I’m really pissed off at the embarrassment. what red-blooded american male could be against naked-hot-women. I’m not.

these are the same people that blasted janet jackson for flashing a breast at the super bowl. guys were hot and sweaty on the grass and a woman’s breast was offensive. I thought the republicans were homophobic. I guess they’re just closet-case self-loathers.

sad really.

no more fighting on the ice, we’ll have to leave on the grass where it belongs

no hockey this year. which really doesn’t effect me I don’t watch or even rally care about hockey.

but I do care about the fact that the average salary for the league was $1.8 million. that means that, by average, the worse player got almost 2 mil for playing hockey. now I know the average salary for a baseball player was probably higher, but baseball does have a salary cap. ((my socialist father has informed me that baseball does not have a salary cap, I stand corrected))

the players could budge a little for the fans.

bastards.

hasbro is planning a rescue op., but mattel is trying to beat them to market

WHAT THE FUCK!?!

fallout from hiroshima starting to be felt

WHAT THE FU-- sorry, but does it seem the Japanese are a little strange about their technology. what’s wrong with dialing the normal way? too many numbers? too many people on the call list? why does the phone need to respond to waving about.

I’m too damn old…

this is why we have marines, shouldn’t they like their jobs

they’re over in afganisatan, fighting an undisputed enemy of freedom. fighting the very forces that masterminded the attack on the world trade center.

why the hell should they not enjoy the work they do? give this bastard a flipping medal for liking the style of life we paid to train him to do. he’s not shooting babies and raping women, I don’t think, so let’s leave him alone and let him do his job.

"You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn't wear a veil, you know, guys like that ain't got no manhood left anyway. So it's a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them."

rare does not mean precious

if it only grow in one ditch on the planet, and dies 90% of the time it gets moved, perhaps it won’t really matter if it is lost to the world. if a plant lives and the world doesn’t care, would the world care if the plant died?

hate is easier to teach

"Tolerance itself can be a very dangerous word," said the Rev. Terry Fox, a Southern Baptist pastor in Wichita, Kansas. "Tolerance gives the public schools an avenue to literally brainwash our kids that every lifestyle is OK."

full quote, wanted both people that read this blog to know that someone actually said this.

tolerance itself can be a very dangerous word. tolerance is dangerous thing, like blacks and whites living in the same towns, and ~gasp~ maybe even marry.

the horror. we can’t let our child embrace love and multi-culturalism. that would be against god.

we must call in the denim-shirts to fight toleration. damn the tolerant.

the best damn JFK ever

we have lost a great american. ossie davis deserves a better send off than I can deliver. I’ll be watching Bubba Ho-Tep in his honor

black togas only

even the delta house will have bowed heads tonight. everything that john vernon was in was good, or at least fun to watch. from the Outlaw Josey Wales to Killer Klowns from Outer Space, it was a wild ride.

no one will ever piss down his back and tell him it was raining again.

official, Kinky ‘06

I’ve said this before, I’ll vote for him. Kinky, send me a copy of that petition when you’re ready.

flicker notes

macgyver is still the coolest show ever, just finished season one and I will watch it a bunch more.

just bought wonderfalls and I can’t figure out why they cancelled this show. hot chick and a talking wax lion, what else does the world need?

bill hicks live… well not really, but it is a fun almost four hours.

back to the sickness

I’m going to wallow for a little while in my own sickness.

night…

it is unfortunate, considering that enthusiasm moves the world, that so few enthusiasts can be trusted to speak the truth.

jury duty

part deux

so once again a drove up to my parents house, spent the night, and then got up early to get to the bell county court in time to sit on the panel as I was ordered to on monday.

well, as with most things, it was a bust. I didn’t have to serve, hell I didn’t have to show up. the court coordinator said she had called me, but I have not a missed call alert or a voice mail to support her claim.

I considered protesting the waste of my time, however the bailiffs carry guns and I was outnumbered.

I left, tail between my legs, with out even a note for my boss.

tears in heaven

upn has decided that Enterprise will end it’s run on may 13, 2005.

Voyager got 7, Enterprise will only get 4.

calling the big guns

alright aclu time to pull another washington state out of your butts and help a simple juice bar stay in business.

overzealous busybodies are trying to push a law through the south dakotan senate that is designed to shut this juice bar down.

the aclu must fight the juice hating south dakotan.

also they show movies, woot!

fighting the dubya youth

21 stations have decided fascism may not be the way to go. these stations have decided to air the Postcards From Buster episode showing a portion of our society that need never apologize. we are a large country, with a large population and many minorities.

john locke and martin luther king jr both preached against the tyranny of the majority. democracy may give rule to the majority, but it cannot allow that majority to repress the minorities.

we are not germany in the 1930’s, but our country under bush is heading very close to that.

except we’re going to start seeing a lot more pink triangles.

the ‘W’ are already spreading.

losses and gains

lost lives

Apollo I Jan. 27, 1967
Challenger Jan28, 1986
Columbia Feb 1, 2002

this is very moving, check it out. the music is very fitting.

god damn hippies

the ieci is reporting that about 72% of eligible iraqi voters turned out.

how about it tree huggers, what kept you from the poles?